The weed of fear

I recently went to a women's conference in St. Louis. It was a fantastic experience. I left with so much joy and excitement. I also left realizing women live with a lot of fear. The fear speaks to us in subtle tones, quietly at first. It usually starts with something that happened that caused us pain. The pain went deep and started to root itself without permission. Pain and fear act like weeds in a pure organic garden. It was not suppose to be there but it is. So, the weeds get rooted and spread through our nourishment and life source. Someone might say spray Round Up on it and call it good. Just annihilate it, it's a quick fix. You spray something toxic on top of something toxic. It's like using alcohol or drugs to "forget" your troubles. It's like trying to throw up a pound of junk food to make up for your binging. It's like eating because you feel fat. It's like shopping to avoid your horrific home life, eventually you have to take those bags back to your house. It's a vicious cycle and after so many years you don't even know where it began. You spray the weeds with Round up and kill all the good in the garden over time. It's all contaminated now. It's no longer organic, pure, fresh, and it's probably close to dead.

The pain that started so long ago is topped with a few more pains. Then, just for kicks, let's add a few more pains. The next step we take to get rid of weeds is to build a wall. It's small wall at first. That should stop the weeds from creeping right? The wall is built, it feels good, it feels safe. *Big sigh of relief...ahhh... The weeds are now creeping vines that scale the wall. You resolve to make the wall bigger. You cross your arms and take a look at that towering wall. It's super safe now right? Wrong. Now you can't get around to the garden to water it, take care of it and watch it grow. You are missing out!

Why is this not working out? Why are my attempts to kill these weeds not working? God, why?!?!!!! The weeds come in the form of thorns now and it hurts the garden everywhere. At this point our weeds have taken over the fresh, young garden that we had so many hopes for. Our Round Up bottle is empty and has made our garden lose it's vibrancy. Our walls have closed us off from seeing the beauty of our garden and there's certainly no way for others to see in.

After all the attempts to make it better we are now full of questions. It's time to let someone take a look inside. You can't let just anyone in to fix this problem. This requires an expert. We have to break down the walls to let someone see this mess of a garden. Possible fear driven thoughts: "What if the expert thinks it's unrepairable? What if the expert judges my poor attempts to fix the garden? What if the expert doesn't think I can handle all the responsibility? What if the expert laughs at me? I feel so stupid! I'm so afraid of being a failure. I've tried so many times and nothing seems to work. Someone told me that it will always be like this. This is my problem, I will fix it. It's too late for my garden to grow. There's no turning back. I can't forgive myself. I can't forgive the person who planted the weeds in my garden."

The fears are feeding the thorny weeds. The fear is harmful and injurious just like the weeds to our garden. The weeds have taken over and the roots are deep. You must let the expert gardener come in. He comes in and promises to take care of your garden. He doesn't promise the weeds won't come back but he promises that He will tend to the garden regularly. There were some bad seeds that rooted a long time ago. The expert makes you understand what your responsibility is in all this. He tells you to not fear because he is with you on this journey. He says, "even if you don't see me I am still watching over the garden." He tells you that when the weeds start coming in you need to pull them up by the root immediately. He tells you to start planting good seeds and water them daily. He tells you to call him if you need anything at all. He promises the work will be worth it. He gives you a plan and hope.

After all his instruction you can either choose to trust him or trust your own path. By trusting in someone like him you are taking the road less traveled. You have to know that there will be weeds that come in from time to time. (There will be pain) You won't always remember to water and you may even forget a few weeds but he will come in and take care of those. He also says that this is a life long process and journey. The expert promises that you can always ask him questions without fear. After following his instruction you will begin to see the vibrancy come back to the garden. It will begin to radiate and thrive even when there are a few thorns still left to pull.

There's nothing that says we are entitled to a pain free life but there is something that says there is hope. Everyone is going through something and it's worth sharing. After only writing four blogs I have had a plethora of messages from women telling me that I'm not alone in my pregnancy journey. How empowering to know that we are not alone here? We need to stop asking "why me" and start asking "who else?" Even if we are in the midst of a struggle we should to ask how can I be apart of a solution and who's with me? *With fists up in the air-"WHO'S WITH ME!?!?" Come on ladies! I'm going to quote a good friend of mine and say, "we don't have time to be fake."

Who's going to talk about the weeds in their garden with me? Who's going to share their story with another person who just needs to hear "I'm not okay either." Who's going to kick down their walls with me? Who's going help me pull up these painful roots? You don't have to be healed to help, you don't have to be whole to share, your book doesn't have to be complete for others to read.

WE ARE NOT ALONE! WE ARE ALL LIVING THIS LIFE AND THERE IS FREEDOM TO BE HAD!

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Isaiah 43:18-19 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Matthew 18:20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them