Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Hug the Unhuggable.

Today, I woke up and looked at my outgrowth on my hair and cringed.  It put me in frumpy dumpy mood.  I put on a outfit that only added to my frump.  Overall, my aura screamed "I feel poopy".  It didn't encompass my being but I could feel "it" coming.  You know "it"?  I caught myself slumping over a lot and I my eyelids were heavy.  My mind shut off anytime there was silence.  When I got off work I decided I was very tired but could I take a nap?  Nope.  Instead of getting sleep I vacuumed and fed Rhylan.  Then, I decided to see if I could get Scott riled up (not in the good way).  That didn't go well...duh.  There was no winning with my tiredness taking over.  Toddlers get cranky when they are tired and become unreasonable.  I was a toddler today.  Scott had two babies to take care of but one was super cute and little and didn't know any better.  The other baby was me, in frumpy sweatpants, had fuzzy hair in a frumpy ponytail and makeup that was working it's way off my face.  Quickly I was turning into a mess and I was trying to bring him down with me.

Scott maintained his cool.  He even made an attempt to leave the house to escape the madness but he came back within a minute.  After a rant that made only 30% sense, I calmed down.  I stopped talking for fear of what would come out of my mouth.  We turned on American Idol and made conversation about the singing.  It was enough to bring us back to the heart of the matter.  I was still tired and that was the major cause of my meltdown.  With honesty Scott said, "you wouldn't be happy alone even though I know you think you would be."  It was true.  It's not that I don't like being married but part of my personality makes me look at production as a necessity of life so I love seeing results.  The harder I work, the more results I see.  If anyone slows me down I see them as a disposable object.  This is something I have worked hard at preventing and prayed about for years because I know that it can make me seem non-emotional and intimidating.  I allow myself to work so much that suddenly my body says STOP!!!  Crash and Burn.  Apart of me thinks that I could conquer the world alone...haha!  That's crazy talk!  It's a sin of pride and definitely not the love that God calls us to.  Why do I tell the world this through my blog?  I don't know.  I just shared my biggest struggle in life.  It's easy to hide, it's easy to pretend it doesn't exist, and for that reason it's hard to get rid of.  The solution, let someone hug me.  Hug the stubborn, prideful, self-reliant crap out of me.

I don't really give a lot of hugs so when I do, I mean it.  Most of the time I would rather just high five someone instead of give them a hug.  I admire "huggers."  I told Scott that next time I go into toddler mode he needs to hug me.  Even if I run away and kick and scream, please hug me.  He needs to hug me until that cold exterior melts and tears stream down my face.  He agreed to the challenge.  HA!  Sucker!  No, really, I'm so blessed to have a husband that has pursued me even when I shot him down at the beginning and said, "let's just be friends."  I have a few good friends that are huggers and I cherish them.  They love to hug and it's truly a gift.  Keep on hugging the unhuggable you hugger lovers!  Keep on it because we need you...I need you.

If I suddenly get a bunch of hugs now, I'm taking this blog down.  haha!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

How's parenthood?

How's parenthood?  That's the question that I get asked a lot.  And a lot like my answer when people would ask me how being pregnant was, there's no cut and dry answer.  Now, of course, I give an easy answer to those I feel like are just asking to ask but here's the real scoop.

Parenthood is unimaginable until you become a parent.  In whatever way you come about becoming a parent there's always one thing that I know as truth, no one knows until you KNOW.  We love our new life but it's different than the old one.  I've read the "carpe diem" blog that went around and I get it but then again I don't.  I don't have a toddler yet and I only have one child.  I am cherishing each day, I can't help it.  Scott and I don't have any family plan of adding on to our child tally so it could be that Rhylan is the last baby I have.  Looking at her each day while she grows right before my eyes is the highlight of my day.  She isn't a crier or a fussy kid so it maybe that reason that I can soak in every moment with ease.

As far as how it has changed Scott and I is really complicated.  Having a baby brought us closer together and also gave us another reason to disagree.  There are times when we are enamored with each other and there are times when we are arguing over what to feed her and how much.  When Rhylan was 5 months old we started to feed her a little bit of solid food, meaning rice cereal and pureed veggies.  We were excited and we loved to watch her eat.  I went to Los Angeles for a week shortly after we started her new food adventure. While I was gone Scott and his mom had the whole week with my baby.  Yes, I say my baby because I was gone five days and I didn't want anyone else to touch her when I got home.  The next two days proved to be a challenge for Scott, Rhylan and myself.  Starting solid foods caused Rhylan to get backed up/constipated for four days.  I know they say it's normal but she was NOT happy about it at all.  She started to fuss and cry non-stop one day.  There are a lot of babies that do this on a regular basis but not Rhylan, it's not her.  Scott kept saying "feed her, feed her!"  I would feed her and she still cried.  Then he said the words that no man should say in a moment of crisis..."when my mom was here she never cried..."  OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!  He was banished from ever touching me or his child again.  I quickly scooped my baby up and ran up the stairs and told him to go away.  He apologized and said he didn't mean what it sounded like.  PFFF!  I felt like I had the forehead stamp "BAD MOM" all over me.  My kid was crying and it was because of me.  We were all sorts of frustrated with the situation.

I was obsessively Rhylan how much I loved her while she cried and suddenly I realized that she was probably in pain from being constipated.  I prayed for patience and for God to forgive me for overreacting and to give Scott and I wisdom.  I laid my hands on her belly and prayed for her tummyache to go away.  Scott came up and I explained to him what I was thinking and how his "factual" statement affected me.  He understood and also apologized.  During that time of reconciliation Rhylan had calmed down and within the next half hour she pooped.  You could tell she felt so much better and Scott and I looked at each other with pure joy.  Our little baby girl pooped!  We were all in love and the experience taught us to never do anything without prayer.  Babies get sick and injured so if Scott and I run around like crazy people in a state of panic every time Rhylan fusses we are going to lose sight of what we need to do.  Pray! Pray! Pray!  I have no clue how to be a parent or what parenthood looks like or if I will get chance to make another baby but it's okay, I promise to pray for Rhylan as much as a I can.  I pray that God will use Scott and I to help develop her gifts and talents, keep her healthy, keep her safe, give us wisdom to guide her, bless her life, and show us how to love her like He loves her.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  Phil 4:6

My mom gave me something that I read every day on my dresser.  It says, "All the things that I prayed you would be, you are."  Plain and simple, why wouldn't I pray for her?   

Carpe Diem in some uses can mean: to enjoy, seize, use, make use of
Can't you make use of every day?  Good or bad, isn't there some use to it, especially when a child is involved?

Saturday, February 18, 2012

All the single ladies, all the single ladies

Here are my thoughts for ladies that are dating.  Relationships are never cut and dry but there are some things that you really shouldn't compromise on.  I'm not saying people can't change but you never should go into a relationship hoping someone will change to make them what you think they should be.  I talk to women all the time that have been in unhealthy relationships and they (me included) say the same stuff.  They wish they would've listened to their friends and family.  Here's my advice in no particular order:

1. He should have a steady job if he is over the age of 20. (If every person he works for is an "idiot" then it is most likely that he is the idiot)
2. He should believe in Jesus Christ as his personal savior (no compromise)
3. He should respect authority and elders (threatening to beat up an old man that cuts him off while driving is a red flag)
4. He should respect your body (your body is a wonderland...not Disneyland, make him wonder what's under there)
5. He should live on his own if he is over the age of 25 (this also includes men that still allow their mom to clean their living space and do their laundry)
6. He should have a bank account (If he has to cash his checks at Walmart, I would reconsider dating)
7. He should be drug free (Hugs not drugs)

Here are some red flags:
1. Men that are suicidal (it's dangerous to emotionally involve yourself in that way because if something ever did happen you would try to blame yourself)
2. Men that spend money they don't have (if he owes people money or is in a tremendous amount of debt, it WILL fall on you)
3. Men that degrade you to get their way (If he says mean things to guilt you into something, please run far far away)
4. Men that say they love God or have faith but then act a different way (Don't put your "I'm a Christian" blinders on...if he doesn't walk it then it doesn't matter if he talks it)
5. Past relationships where he has cheated (odds are he won't quit with you)
6. Boyfriends that try to isolate the relationship= control issues

Here are some lasting qualities that a man should have:
1. Love and appreciation and respect for his parents and elders (my ex was VERY disrespectful of my parents and I chose him over them but in the end it was my parents that were there for me and would do anything for me)
2. A willingness to seek wise counsel (it shows humbleness)
3. Should have your best interest at hand. (Any time a man puts his own interests in front of your own while dating will certainly do the same when you are married)
4. He should support your hopes and dreams
5. Love is not just a word.  Action, action, action 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Bottom line, when you get past all the mushy gushy feelings, he is really just a person. No one is perfect but there are things that you should never allow in your life. I did once and it caused me so much heartache. A heartache that I never want anyone to experience. 
Also, I thought that I was helping my ex-husband by staying with him but actually I wasn't.  I didn't allow him to learn things on his own that he should have. He leaned on me for everything and having a one sided relationship is NOT fun. It may seem intriguing at first but in the end it sucks.  I know a few couples that started out very rough and God transformed their lives but they will tell you, it's not an easy road.  Listen and watch for "red flags."  Use that girly intuition that God gave you.  Don't date just because you don't like being alone.  No other human will make you "whole" but God can.  I suggest you search for His wholeness before you try to have a relationship try to fill that hole.  

Ladies, be prayerful in who you date.  Giving up a relationship that you know is not right may seem like the most impossible thing to do when you're in it but stepping into God's will  never seizes to reap blessings.  Seek wise counsel while dating and into engagement and definitely into marriage.  

   "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." Benjamin Franklin  :)

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Baby talk and Salon Talk and Love

6 months have past and I am blown away by the progress a human baby can make during that time.  It's so annoying that I can't squeeze her until she pops or eat her cute face.  It's like she is a piece of cake with a glob of frosting on top.  There's no resisting that sweet smile and two little teeth.  Ugg...seriously.

After six months of constantly trying to figure out which phase she is in or how much food she's eating, I am exhausted and energized at the same time.  The salon is getting busier and we have a fantastic group of people that work there BUT it's another source of growth for me.  Every day I feel like I am adapting to other humans ages 6 months to 30+.  When I reflect on our first full year of being at our new salon location I am utterly overwhelmed at the changes that occurred last year.  Pregnancy and having a baby being one of the biggest changes, also the salon was busier, we had some new staff and we added new services.  This year I am feeling a sense of renewed energy. Even though I know things will only keep changing, I feel ready for the challenge.

What makes me so ready for the challenge you ask?  Plain and simple, state of mind.  I have decided to take all these challenges/changes to God in prayer.  I realize that I can not, I repeat, CAN NOT do this on my own anymore.  I know that not everyone may believe in God but I just KNOW that I can not be a wife, mom, business owner, traveling color educator, friend and whatever is left that makes up the hours in my day without His guidance.  He gives me a peace which transcends all understanding.

I asked God to show me new ways to love this year.  What a humbling experience.  Agape love, unconditional love.  Asking this of God opened me up to some intense experiences.  My request has revealed some unsettling things about myself.  Not in a horrible sense that I'm a bad person or don't love but in a sense that I have been missing out.  There are so many ways to show love and that's what I am called to do here on this beautiful earth.  Two months in to the new year and He has already revealed so much to me.

1.  We have an extravagantly, recklessly generous God

  • I don't give nearly enough compared to how much I am blessed
  • I don't thank Him nearly enough compared to how much I a blessed
  • I never understood how He gives in insane ways.  When I am cautious, reserved and unwilling to give, He steps up to the plate and gives when it looks like there is nothing to give
2.  I want to love eternally
  • Supernatural love
  • Love that goes beyond what I understand, beyond this earth, beyond current circumstance
3.  Love=Relationships
  • I need to nourish relationships
  • If I don't nourish relationships then I nourish stuff, aka shoes/clothes.  What will appreciate me when I die?  Shoes or people?
4.  Let people love me, no strings attached
  • I can't assume that because someone gives me something that I owe them or they want something in return
  • Enjoy gifts given and giving gifts
  • Gifts are an example of Christ's gift of salvation.  It's free...take it

Baby Rhylan Stats:
  • No crawling but she finds ways to get around while carrying her toys
  • Chatting up a storm in the form of "Na nananananana"
  • Practicing inflection and tones
  • Eating solids-not a big fan of peas but loving avocado
  • Sleeps through the night
  • Laughs up a storm (mostly at daddy)
  • She's a petite lil lady...weight and height measured in just a few days
  • Loses only one sock several times a day...only one, never both
  • Sits up like a champ with posture that I envy
  • Loves crackle noises