Today, I woke up and looked at my outgrowth on my hair and cringed. It put me in frumpy dumpy mood. I put on a outfit that only added to my frump. Overall, my aura screamed "I feel poopy". It didn't encompass my being but I could feel "it" coming. You know "it"? I caught myself slumping over a lot and I my eyelids were heavy. My mind shut off anytime there was silence. When I got off work I decided I was very tired but could I take a nap? Nope. Instead of getting sleep I vacuumed and fed Rhylan. Then, I decided to see if I could get Scott riled up (not in the good way). That didn't go well...duh. There was no winning with my tiredness taking over. Toddlers get cranky when they are tired and become unreasonable. I was a toddler today. Scott had two babies to take care of but one was super cute and little and didn't know any better. The other baby was me, in frumpy sweatpants, had fuzzy hair in a frumpy ponytail and makeup that was working it's way off my face. Quickly I was turning into a mess and I was trying to bring him down with me.
Scott maintained his cool. He even made an attempt to leave the house to escape the madness but he came back within a minute. After a rant that made only 30% sense, I calmed down. I stopped talking for fear of what would come out of my mouth. We turned on American Idol and made conversation about the singing. It was enough to bring us back to the heart of the matter. I was still tired and that was the major cause of my meltdown. With honesty Scott said, "you wouldn't be happy alone even though I know you think you would be." It was true. It's not that I don't like being married but part of my personality makes me look at production as a necessity of life so I love seeing results. The harder I work, the more results I see. If anyone slows me down I see them as a disposable object. This is something I have worked hard at preventing and prayed about for years because I know that it can make me seem non-emotional and intimidating. I allow myself to work so much that suddenly my body says STOP!!! Crash and Burn. Apart of me thinks that I could conquer the world alone...haha! That's crazy talk! It's a sin of pride and definitely not the love that God calls us to. Why do I tell the world this through my blog? I don't know. I just shared my biggest struggle in life. It's easy to hide, it's easy to pretend it doesn't exist, and for that reason it's hard to get rid of. The solution, let someone hug me. Hug the stubborn, prideful, self-reliant crap out of me.
I don't really give a lot of hugs so when I do, I mean it. Most of the time I would rather just high five someone instead of give them a hug. I admire "huggers." I told Scott that next time I go into toddler mode he needs to hug me. Even if I run away and kick and scream, please hug me. He needs to hug me until that cold exterior melts and tears stream down my face. He agreed to the challenge. HA! Sucker! No, really, I'm so blessed to have a husband that has pursued me even when I shot him down at the beginning and said, "let's just be friends." I have a few good friends that are huggers and I cherish them. They love to hug and it's truly a gift. Keep on hugging the unhuggable you hugger lovers! Keep on it because we need you...I need you.
If I suddenly get a bunch of hugs now, I'm taking this blog down. haha!