33 1/2 weeks

Baby Wrage is doing great! She moves all the time and has moved a little farther south. I can feel my hips stretching out and I have picked up the inevitable waddle. I knew that it was uncomfortable but someone sweetly made notice of how I walk. Dang! I was trying so hard to hide it but I have become a penguin, hips wide and short legs.

Scott and I have attended two birthing classes so far and we enjoy them. Labor and postpartum is something I think about on a daily basis. I research relaxation techniques, cloth diapering, and so much more. That's how I was designed, I like to try to be prepared as much as possible without actually going through it. When I take walks I practice breathing and then I do yoga. This is the first time in my pregnancy that I feel great! Praise God! For real, my mind is clear and I love this shapely body. We got maternity pics last week and for the first time in years I wasn't thinking about how fat I was. This body has given me an appreciation for what I use to have and completely took for granted. I strutted around in my underwear while the photographers wrapped me in sheets of beautiful fabric. I didn't think I would ever want maternity photos but they could have put me in a potato sack and I would have felt gorgeous. Early on in my pregnancy I struggled so much with my body image and now I'm free!

Obviously, the biggest blessing out of this will be our baby girl but it has taught me a lot about myself and the growth is amazing for both Scott and me. My selfishness has shown it's ugly head in explosive ways but that also showed me how accepting and loving my husband can be. My emotions have peaked higher on the scale than most mental patients but that gave me a reason to rejoice when I feel normal. I have had a lot of fear about the whole thing from the beginning but God has shown me who loves and supports me. The blessings are numerous and if I feel this grateful now, I CAN NOT imagine the moment I meet her.

We are less than seven weeks away and I'm just now getting use to this :)

Stay classy Sandiego- not possible in a hospital gown

Little girls are raised much differently than little boys. From the time we are itty bitty in sweet little sun dresses and swim suits we are instructed to "act like a lady." I wore a modest one piece swim suit and was careful to keep my legs crossed when in a dress. I have no regrets about this but as I read up on the stages of labor it has come to my attention that modesty is not an option. This may be one of the biggest obstacles for me as the "big event" approaches. Labor undoubtedly involves pain but immodesty I am not prepared for. I have been a fairly modest person my entire life and programmed to realize the importance and sanctity of my body as a temple and modesty honoring that temple and let's just say it...I ain't no hoochie mama. Some of you won't believe this but for the first 20 years of my life I was a long haired, no makeup wearing, corduroy pants, hemp necklace making, skateboarding, granola mountain girl. I didn't think about looking sexy or trendy until I met my sweet friend Matt who worked at the Buckle and he took it upon himself to take a somewhat homely girl and show her a few tricks to amp up the style. Even with all that help of getting a better wardrobe, I still wear sweatpants and a t-shirt to bed like I have since I was a kid. Scott thinks it's super sexy ;)

With the idea of natural childbirth in mind, I will prep for labor with relaxation techniques and envision getting through the transitions of each stage. I can't not, however, envision getting into that hideous hospital gown and then having to bare it all. I have worked too hard to look cute this entire pregnancy to just throw it all out the window by putting on a sheet they call a "gown." Can't I just go in my favorite summer dress with my hair in soft curls and push this baby out without a single moan/groan or awkward facial expression? In a society where image seems to be everything and celebrities look fabulous pre and post baby I just don't know where I fit into the mix. I know that somewhere in between pre and post there is some unflattering, unavoidable immodesty going on.

Occasionally, I get the "privilege" of watching a birth on TLC or in my birthing class and I think, "these are all the private parts that we are told to cover up our entire lives and then BAM!!! here they are, wide open for the world to see." It's way too dramatic for me. Where's the middle ground? Is this why so many fathers have a hard time at first with having a little girl and changing their diapers? I know as a girl I was told about having babies and all that jazz but are little boys educated on this as well? Are they prepped for child birth too? Scott's role is going to be huge in the delivery room and as level headed as he can be, I know that it's going to freak him out seeing me with all my parts out in a VERY non-sexual way and suffering in pain.

As far as looking back post birth, I know a few things for sure. I will have my toes painted pretty, I will have a spray tan, I will have my makeup kit with me and I will be camera ready :) It's not vanity, it's sanity!