This topic I'm about to talk about came to mind after chatting with a friend about the imbalance of being a wife, mom, a woman who works outside of the home and definitely last but not least, a human who has feelings. What if there's no true balance and right when we think we've found it, we have to put another thing on our plate or take off our plate? What if our expectations of happiness are too high and that we should really be seeking truth? What if part of the truth of life is embracing sadness? What if allowing momentary sadness brings us joy?
Unfortunately, my stress response is control. I become a task master. Sometimes it means bossing my family around and other times I clean with a level of intensity that is only needed in a surgical room. Crying, strong emotion, and grieving are instinctively last on my list of what I let show. Typically, I tend to blame others and then try to make sure I'm validated by someone else in my poor behavior choices. After I've avoided ME for so long and I've stopped trying to manage everyone and everything, I feel a tickle in my throat. The tickle moves up to my eyes and then they get damp. I think to myself, what is this? My damp foggy eyes can't hold the water back and my face starts to contort. It's ugly and uncontrolled. Some noise seems to move from the bottom of my lungs and move up out of my mouth. Oh how I despise this feeling. My body is speaking for my hurting soul. At first when this happens, I get mad and try to control it but the anger doesn't even make sense! Now I feel down right insane! Where is this coming from? It's weakness and I'm mad that I feel weak. I was totally fine! I am fine! Calm down. Pull it together. Why do I feel so out of control and and and...sad?
Why is it so hard to be sad? The sadness only wants to be recognized. It's a very real part of life but for some reason it's really hard to be sad. It's soooo taboo. Our society says, being a dick is better than being sad. That sucks because there are a lot of sad people disguised as assholes. One thing I know about being sad, is that it doesn't go away with time. It gets buried under addictions, titles, medications, religiousness, jealousy, big fake smiles, clothing, food, exercise, self-hate, and the list goes on. All the ways we cope or don't cope wires us and our behavior. We were wired to cry a little here and there but crying is ugly and crying can get loud. Selfies and emoji's are waaaay cuter than crying. Part of the newborn apgar score is measured by how strong a baby cries. Crying lets us know we are alive!
Next time someone is an asshole to you, maybe it's just because they are sad. And if that asshole is you, ask yourself, "am I sad and is there someway I can deal with this better? Can I talk about this in an honest way?" Be nice to yourself and grieve a little. You can even grieve over the loss of your bra size due to nursing two beautiful kids for a year each. Go ahead, let it out, then put on that push-up bra with pride!
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
Lets cry and definitely laugh! Let's grieve over the stuff that sucks in life and then let's dance our buns off! His grace says we can do it all. Praise God.
(Disclaimer: I'm not talking about clinical depression. Just the occasional sadness due to life's circumstances)